About 4 — Miriam & Han

Shenzhen, China. March 2014.
Earth Hour.

Two new friends stood together and watched as KK 100, the (then) tallest building in Shenzhen, went dark. The lights were switched off for Earth Hour, in solidarity for our planet. But as the plaza in front of the building dimmed, the two friends looked at each other with a different kind of electricity. Maybe it started then?

“Marry me!”

That’s the first thing that Han ever said to Miriam. Han had never heard the name Miriam before, and he exclaimed, “marry me” because the phrase sounded like her name. Maybe it started then?

As Miriam got to know her new colleagues at “English First” Kids & Teens School SZ3, she was somewhat disappointed to learn that nearly all of them lived in Nanshan district, in the western part of city. Miriam lived in central Shenzhen, in Futian - a 45-minute metro ride from the school. She was still recovering from jet lag, spoke virtually no Chinese (whoops), and was mildly panicked about how to get around in her new neighborhood.

Thankfully, one of her new colleagues was also her new neighbor. Han did live in Futian - in fact, he lived less than ten minutes’ walk from Miriam’s apartment. He offered to take her to the local Walmart (沃尔玛), which was both remarkably familiar and shockingly different for Miriam (discount blue jeans and dozens of brands of potato chips, sure; whole dead chickens hanging from the ceiling and a “stinky tofu” stall in the parking lot, not so much). They explored the aisles together and began to understand their own familiarity and shocking differences. About two weeks after Miriam arrived in China, Han invited her to dinner at his family’s place. Maybe it started then?

Miriam only lived in Shenzhen for one year, but there were many moments that could have been the beginning of this whole marriage shebang. Maybe it was sitting together on the 45-minute subway ride to Nanshan, looking at strangers’ feet and guessing what they were like from their shoes. It could have been consuming unhealthy amounts of barbecue skewers and liter bottles of cheap beer. Or maybe it was going to KTV (private room karaoke) - just the two of them - and belting Billy Joel and The Cranberries into the night. Sitting on abandoned loading dock stairs in the middle of the deserted Walmart parking lot at two in the morning. Han helping Miriam with translation, and Miriam teaching Han some Yiddish phrases in return. (He was better at Yiddish than she was at Chinese). Han peering through the circular windows of the pastel green classroom doors to watch Miriam teach. Miriam asking a tiny four-year-old student, “do you like Teacher Han?” “Yes,” smiles the student. “Me too.”

But it was only a year, and by April 2015 Miriam was back in Boston while Han remained teaching in Shenzhen. They stayed in touch a little, but it was hard, and then it was easier to not stay in touch at all.

But maybe it would start again…

Our wonderful team at School 3! Can you spot us? (Photo credit to the effervescent Katharine Kothe)

An accurate depiction of when Miriam and Han’s mom hang out

Then it really started.

About two and a half years after Miriam returned to Boston, she found that she kept thinking about Han. One day, as she rode the bus home from work she impulsively re-downloaded WeChat (the Chinese social media app) and sent Han a message: “hi, is this still you?” She then quickly closed the app, put a moody song through her headphones and proceeded to stare out the window. Less than a day later, a reply: “No shit.”

After this foul-mouthed reunion, Han and Miriam started corresponding again. First they were messaging, and then talking, and then video chatting, and then Han decided to visit Boston. (“Really to look at grad schools”, he said, “but mostly to see you.”) They walked around Harvard Square, ate giant pizza slices at a Celtics game, went to New York and watched Bernadette Peters in Hello, Dolly! on Broadway, and listened to new wave music on the bus ride home.

By the time Miriam dropped Han off at the airport to return to Shenzhen, they both knew he was going to come back (for grad school, they said, but mostly for each other).